What am I doing?

I'm shaking and I feel a tightness in my chest.
I look at our apartment and there are toys everywhere, laundry hanging, laundry in piles, the table is covered in books, unmailed parcels, and there isn't a clear spot on the kitchen counter.  I have to wear flip flops to protect my feel from getting sticky.  My daughter is going to wake up soon and I have no idea what to cook her.  I feel panicky.  I don't know where to start.  I just spent the last hour folding laundry and the place looks just as messy.  I can't put away my husbands clothes because his closet space is too high to reach and I can't put away my daughter's clothes because I'll wake her.  I just want to throw everything out the window.  I feel like I'm drowning.  I'm not cut out for this domestic stuff.

De-clutter and Liberate yourselves!!!

A fellow urbanite sent me this article.  I totally agree and the city lifestyle suits us.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-arguments/the-essay/letting-go-of-the-suburban-dream/article2118698/

Emotionally Free

So what would it look like?
I'm going to try to visualize here.
Maybe working backwards to visualize the kind of life I want to live will help me figure out my life's purpose.
Our place would be clean and organized.
I wouldn't own anything I didn't need.
My daughter would be well adjusted, confident, and compassionate.
I would never be too tired to make love to my partner.
My body would feel strong.
All my relationships would feel easy and fun.
I would carry no feelings of worthlessness, resentment, and inadequacy.
I would be able to detach from other people's judgements, negativity and aggression.

Living My Dharma

I know, I know the title of my blog sounds like I would be this complex, conscious being right?  Not quite.  The reality is I’m trying to figure all that out.  By “dharma”, I mean the purpose of my life.  What is it exactly?  I mean the first thing I think of when I hear the word “dharma” I either think if the Dharma Initiative (http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/DHARMA_Initiative) on that TV series Lost or that other show Dharma and Greg (http://www.tv.com/dharma-and-greg/show/182/summary.html).  I wonder if a simpleton like me can figure out the meaning of my life and the purpose of it.  How can I serve the universe, my partner, my daughter and more importantly myself???

So that’s what my blog is about.  The journey of trying to figure out what the heck I’m here on this earth for.  I’m writing from my heart, I will try to do my best to articulate how I feel but I am no writer.  Recently, I found out that there are fake bloggers out there.  Individuals that pretend to write about a place they have been to before or make an opinion about something they say they have experienced but really have not.  For some reason I find this very discouraging.  There is a lot of information out there, ok a lot of junk but I innocently thought blogs were real.  Naïve of me.  Anyway I’m trying to say that my blog is real and I’m really a person that just wants to share my reactions and experiences to the world and see how it feels to put it out there.

I hope to use this blog as a way to be consciously creative.  I want the universe to know I am here and I matter.  I know deep down inside I am an artist.  I have been experimenting with painting, photography and writing and know that somewhere, somehow I can strengthen the connection with myself by tapping into my creative power.